I hate this holiday, it's the worst holiday ever.
So what to do when your parents decided to divorce? I don't know. It's good that they divorce isn't it? Since they have separated since i was 7. I will never forget that day. They quarreled and my brother and i just hide at the staircase and watch. And my mother left us to Singapore the next day, without telling us anything. My life shattered to pieces, sorrow, anger and a feeling of betrayal filled in my heart. Then, my father left us too. My brother was sent to nanny and I was sent to my aunt. How funny is my family uh? Four of us were at diff places. And now, my brother is staying with my father and i'm staying with my mum.
I don't know if this is a good news or a bad news. My father's girlfriend is pregnant. And yet, my parents haven't even divorce. I don't know how complicated it is. My mum knew and she decided to divorce with my dad. I wanted them to divorce and now i'm struggling. I don't know how to handle my emotional, i kept crying and i know it won't help anything. My brother and i forced to deal with this. H2h with my brother last night, i asked my brother if he will be sad if our parents divorced. He answer me 'Yes, of course i will be sad. Because i don't know who i want to follow. I want both of them.' So yah. My bro and i have prepared to accept the fact that they are going to divorce. Somehow, it still hurts me and my bro.
So who's at fault? Both of them. I don't understand why my grandma kept blaming my mum. Humans are selfish and sometimes they make selfish decisions. I understand my mum and i feel sorry to my dad. But this is life. Life sucks. And marriage sucks too. I just want to "keep the peace" in my family. Other than this, it's not my fucking problem. I don't know, I don't care. BUT, i still feel the pain and heartache. The scars will always remain there. Fucked up.
So many difficult things happened this two weeks and i tend to keep to myself. The problem with this is that i found myself feeling depressed and bitter these few days. Faking a smile to face everyone. And sleeping with tears in my eyes.
Feeling real bad. But i felt so much better when Lydia came to talk to me last night. Imma strong girl. 死不了就还好...
