I thought these are everything i want?

I thought i hate being single? Now i'm attached but i'm not happy. I thought i want to be a player? But why am i feeling guilty? I thought i just want a boyf who cares and loves me? But why am i not happy? I thought i just need a guy who will be there for me whenever i sad or happy, but i'm not happy....I thought these are everything i want but why am i not happy? Why am i crying?!?! Yea right, i am selfish and mean. I ruin my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Worthless.

oh gosh, too many things happened in these few months. Really cannot take it -.- Hmm, i know i got abit too sensitive. But i realised i very extra sometimes. Kay, i not in mood also. Thanks Akosua, Gibson, Halim for cheering me up. Idk you guys will read this not. But really thank you. I really appreciate it:) Thank you guys for being there for me whenever i sad or happy. Thanks Akosua for trying to cheer me up though u urself are emoing. I'll be there for u no matter what. I know it's tough to let go, but u can do it right? I know u can :) You need times yea. Let bygones be bygones, what over is over. You have all of us to care for u. If u cant let him go, how are u gonna move on with ur new life. There's a rainbow after rain. Life is up and down and it sucks at times. But u will get what u want v soon. Life is too short and it doesnt rewind, so cherish what u have now:) These are what zp and halim told me. Cheer up^^ I love u!! Gibson uh, my idiot ex LOL :) Thanks for being retarded and funny just to make both of us laugh:) And also sorry for always cold replies and bully u, but u know i love u right? Hais, zebra is gonna whack u>< Just kidding. Aiya thanks for everything la. I know u're going to cry if u read this. So touched right? Hahaha :D And Halim, thanks for always giving me advice that are useful to me. Thanks for not hating me because i always piss u off >< Thanks for everything. U know i know la ^^ I dont type here later u down there act shy again. I really appreciate what u gave to me and i know u will read this cause u stalk me!!!! :) Too bad the cookies sell at the cake shop under my house nvr sell alrd. Treat u KOI next time ok? Love u<3 as a big brother :)
Hi you this idiot who keep giving false hope to me. Who do u think you are? You are just a piece of shit. I cant forget u in one year time, then two years? or three years? or even longer. I dont mind, as long as i can fucking forget u :) I know i cant take one more step towards u, cause all the waiting is regret....... You lost the i loved the most. And look at the pict above, u know what u'd said to me before, i worthless right? dont regret if i do anything stupid, it's all ur fault:) I'm starting my new life, if u all know what i mean heheheheeehe. I so zai omg!! O_O woohoo BYE AND NIGHTS PEEPS :D

The problems are driving me insane!!!

I just feel so alone right now. I just fucking hate everything. I just feel like hurting myself to make my heart feel better. I just want to drink to dull all my pain. I just want to fucking escape. Life isn't that beautiful. Life just sucks.. You all just dont understand how i feel. I'm not spare tyre. I'm not your toy to entertain you. I'm not your slave. Imma being a bitch are just protecting myself from getting hurt. Fuck my life.

You think you are cool? I think you are just being childish bitch.

I pick myself up, pull myself together, fake a smile and act like all's fine.

I deleted the post, lol. I hope i'm not thinking too much. Friends are always better than lovers :):) Hmm, well emo post again? Nobody understands me, not even myself. What do i really want??? I like to think that i'm over him, i like to tell people that i am. Sometimes, i even convince myself i am. The truth is, I DONT KNOW?? I want to fall in love, but why am i missing him? Is it i'm afraid of getting hurt, of lies and afraid i'll end up with only tears in my eyes? I'd like to convince people, convince myself i'm over you. But late in the night. I know i'd think bout you all over. Why am i suffering with all these shits? How can you moved on so easily? Why cant i do it? Why am i jealous? When i see u talking happily with the girl, it cuts me up inside.. Trying to make myself fall for him? Why is it so difficult? What the fuck with ' GO WITH THE FLOW ' huh? I'm a loser............I'm lost, i get insecure... I feel guilty, why am i feeling guilty? Why am i caring? Complicated much. I refuse to believe you didn't love me anymore since we broke up. Remember the tears, the frustration, the accusations, the doubts, the hate. Time to let go. It will be okay, right? Everything gonna be alright. I should wake up right? I should stop stalking u....... I'm gonna smile bacause i deserve to.

Forget the fact that he won’t text or call.
Remember that he’s not coming back, at all.
Forget that he doesn’t care
Remember that it once was there.
Forget all the regrets and mistakes you made.
Remember how nothing gold can stay.
Forget those stupid little fights
Remember all the good nights
Forget those little things you used to do
Remember that you wanted this too.
Forget how he’s out having a good time
Remember that you’re going to be fine.
Forget his eyes, his arms, his smile
Remember you’ll be okay, in a little while.
Forget the fact that you’re feeling lonely
Remember that you’re not the only.
Forget the bad and remember what’s not
Remember that one life is all you got.
Forget to dwell
Remember to live as well.

"A heart that is unwilling to change may soon be a heart unable to change"