Happy Birthday My Bestie :)

Hello Lydia! Happy Birthday yaa :D you are forever older than me jkjk :p Okay, i have known you for two years plus and i feel like i have know you forever. We have went through so many things. I'm not the best friends that you've met, we quarreled, and you should have given up on our friendship. But you didn't. Thank you for always being there for me when i needed someone:) I know i could count on you but i knew there were moments when i let you down. I'm really sorry): You have been an amazing friend and u know me really really well. Although we grew apart for a little bit, you are still my bestie and i tell you almost everything because you are the one that i can really trust. And always remember, i will 24/7 be there for u if you need me:) So I’m telling the world. I love you. I’ve always needed you. I hope to one day be worthy of the friendship you’ve offered me. Anyway, all the best for you exams and happy 17! Loveeeeeee<3


Let's rewind some memories......
- We used to heart to heart talk at the night before school reopen.
- 2010 Nov holiday u used to come to my house everyday.
- Always go somewhere slack after school.
- Have some stupid crush on the thai buddies, then we went to Lavender just to visit them but failed xD
- Cried together, comfort each other, cheer each other up.
- Cook at my house.
- Webcam and screenshot each other's unglam pict
- Spam each other facebook
- Went to USS, Singapore Discovery Centre, Vivo to countdown. Was really scared when only two of us at my house area waiting for bus or taxi to Ako's house.
and a lot a lot..... People might change, but memories will always be there :)
SPONGEBOB GOT PATRICK , TIGGER GOT POOH , LILO GOT STITCH , DORAEMON GOT NOBITA & I GOT A COOL BESTFRIEND LIKE YOU ;D

ANYWAY, THERE'RE MORE SURPRISES FOR U :PP be patient ;)

你心疼我的眼泪吗?

It has been one month plus since we broke off. Hey there, how's life? How did love slip away so easily? You promised me you'll always be there for me. But.... nvm.

Memories can never be deleted, it's always there. And it will be recalled when i see you, or the things we did together and more. Do you know how much i miss you? I doubt you do. Valentine is coming, and i am single again. I wanted to confess to you but i think it's better not. If we are meant to be, eventually we will be together.

I always keep myself busy with things to do, but whenever i pause, i still think of you. You are like another him, so how much time do i need to get over you?

You were always there for me when i was sad. I miss having you to run to when im feeling terrible. I miss talking to you and spending time with you. I miss being cared about, i miss meaning something to you. And it would be nice to matter to you, again. I want you back, but it's impossible. So if i cry because of you, will you even care? I doubt you do. And i should stop wasting my tears. Study comes first, fuck r/s.

If i have a time machine, i will go back to year 2011 and restart everything, EVERYTHING.

2012 wishes.

11/1/2012

Okay, the reason why am i putting the title as 11/1/2012 was because this day should be some special day. But, it wasn't. Sigh. Yesterday should be our third month eh? Met u in school on Monday, your 'Hi' makes me melt. And that was the first time i cry in school in year 2012.... Thanks for the memories, and thanks for making me become a stronger person. What we used to have, we don't have it anymore. So yah, goodbye.

School is getting stressful. Omg, i still can't believe that im sec3 this year. Everyday school, band, school and band again. Like seriously, im dying very soon. But, busy is good isn't it? Better than i waste time to emo. What i need now are SLEEP and STUDY HARD and BAND (: Not boy-girl's relationship. Fuck relationship, study comes first. Tzewei, jiayou jiayou!

New year, new start.

Happy New Year!(: So yah, what a "GOOD" beginning of my 2012. I lost my iTouch, lol. Okay so whatever it is, what's over is over. I don't care ~ [ no, im just saying )': ]. Anyways, had fun with my babes yesterday! It's been so long since i last saw them(: We went to Vivo countdown, somehow we get to see the fireworks! Haha:D Then.... we head to Ako's place! Omg, the funniest part was we prank calling people! It was so fun! Haha! I love all my babes<3<3 Hehe.

School's starting, and i'm still in holiday mood. Okay, i THINK im not going to do any homework except for chi and maths. Maybe? Haha see how ;)

And erhm HAPPY BIRTHDAY to someone!
Okay. Have fun guys. Bye(:

Last day of 2011.

Twitter was trending #mycrushof2011. Oh well, my crush of 2011 is that the one who was there when i was upset, angry, happy and bored. So he was my bestf and boyf. And he's the only one who can really make me totally moved on from my ex. But, he left me.. It's hard to deal with the pain of losing him and i'm not even a friend to him...... Well, time flies, people changed. Everything just changed without any sign. It's just another guy who comes and goes. Hais, i don't know if i should wait for him, because for me this love isn't over.. Okay, whatever it is.

It's New Year Eve today, Happy New Year's Eve(: Im gonna meet my babes later hehe <3 Okay, i'm going to watch my movie now. Buhbyes(:

The end.

Yea, the end. My parents decided to divorce. Haha.
I was on the phone with mummy for a few hours just now. And i've talked to my dad's gf yesterday. Yea maybe i'm old enough to know all these. I'm going to 15 next year. Time flies really fast........ And people changed. Life still goes on, and i'm gonna be strong. Cry doesn't solve any problem. Sometimes acting is a way to protect yourself. Smiling hard on the out and tearing up inside. Everything seems so pointless now. No one is there for me. Its just me all alone and nothing else.

Numb

I hate this holiday, it's the worst holiday ever.

So what to do when your parents decided to divorce? I don't know. It's good that they divorce isn't it? Since they have separated since i was 7. I will never forget that day. They quarreled and my brother and i just hide at the staircase and watch. And my mother left us to Singapore the next day, without telling us anything. My life shattered to pieces, sorrow, anger and a feeling of betrayal filled in my heart. Then, my father left us too. My brother was sent to nanny and I was sent to my aunt. How funny is my family uh? Four of us were at diff places. And now, my brother is staying with my father and i'm staying with my mum.

I don't know if this is a good news or a bad news. My father's girlfriend is pregnant. And yet, my parents haven't even divorce. I don't know how complicated it is. My mum knew and she decided to divorce with my dad. I wanted them to divorce and now i'm struggling. I don't know how to handle my emotional, i kept crying and  i know it won't help anything. My brother and i forced to deal with this. H2h with my brother last night, i asked my brother if he will be sad if our parents divorced. He answer me 'Yes, of course i will be sad. Because i don't know who i want to follow. I want both of them.' So yah. My bro and i have prepared to accept the fact that they are going to divorce. Somehow, it still hurts me and my bro.

So who's at fault? Both of them. I don't understand why my grandma kept blaming my mum. Humans are selfish and sometimes they make selfish decisions. I understand my mum and i feel sorry to my dad. But this is life. Life sucks. And marriage sucks too. I just want to "keep the peace" in my family. Other than this, it's not my fucking problem. I don't know, I don't care. BUT, i still feel the pain and heartache. The scars will always remain there. Fucked up.

So many difficult things happened this two weeks and i tend to keep to myself. The problem with this is that i found myself feeling depressed and bitter these few days. Faking a smile to face everyone. And sleeping with tears in my eyes.

Feeling real bad. But i felt so much better when Lydia came to talk to me last night. Imma strong girl. 死不了就还好...

I'm back.

Hi guys, im back to blogging :D Haha! Lets start this post with a quote "When face with a challenge, look for a way, not a way out - David Weatherford " Im trying to encourage myself to face the challenges, trying to cheer myself up to handle all these shits. Nothing is perfect and everything hurts. Actually there's nothing happen, but im just mentally tired. I was working as a part time for the past two weeks. I swear, money is NOT EASY to earn. You gotta watch your money and not to use so much :p I mean ME ): but i have so many things to buy! Grr. So yah life is good but have a lot of thoughts lately. Sometimes i just cry for no reason. Life sucks at times.   Im just gonna be strong and deal with it.

Anyways, went to Maha Bodhi to watch their concert yesterday! Saw Mr Yap<3 He's so cute! I miss Mr Poh and Mr Yap, thought im not really close to them. So yes, like what i heard fro Mr Yeo, Maha Bodhi's band is great! And their concerts was awesome. I wish our band can be as cool as them.

And yes, my diet plan will start tmrw because someone keep complaining that im fat zz! Haaha but i really gained a lot of weight and yah i need to eat lesser and do more exercise from tdy onward! I will force my brother to play badminton and asked my kakak to jog with me! Hehe, gtg now, buhbyes:)

3/4 - 4/4 Band Camp!

Hi im back:D Okay, band camp was awesome! This camp has brought all the members closer to each other and our band is more discipline now! Esp when i need to lead the sec1s, its not about who is the leader but the relationship between the sec1s and I. Its like i have went through so many things with the sec1s. They are really awesome and i really appreciate their hard work for the skit! Although sometimes they are noisy and irritated me, they are still the best! <3 I really enjoyed the band camp! :) However, Ms Tham is leaving us): Im gonna miss her and wish her all the best yea...

Our smexy drum major! :D


5 more days to 11/11/11!!!! :D Hehehehe im so happy hohohoho ^^ but somebody is leaving very soon):): hais..... nvm then. K i shall stop here, byeeeeee:)

Class Party 1/11/11 ! ♥

1/11/11. I woke up at 11.30am, prepared myself then went to school for band meeting. At around 2.10pm, left school and chiong home to change. Met up with Gib, Jiayi and Weilin at PP then went to play pool! Play pool with these three zaikias is freaking epic. Honestly, i dont know how to play pool and i wanna learn how to play!! Any kind soul wants to teach me? Heeehee. Anw, wl dyed her hair, chestnut brown! So freaking nice and she so chio!:D Then Ako came. Around 3:50, Ako and I took cab to ecp carpark c4 to take the bbq food! Junfu came and helped us to carry the food ^-^ And what, after the class party i fall sick! How nice man ): However, the class party is awesome! Thanks to those who turned up yesterday! I really had a lot A LOT of fun with u guys! My classmates rock! Thanks to Ms Koh and Ms yeo for coming too! ♥ I Love 2A4!! :) 

Ms Koh: " Polariode galore! This froms part of our shared memories together as class 2A4'll "

---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

I think im losing my job sia. Because my stupid band teacher asked me to go to the stupid place for the stupid activity and i skip the work. The manage like angry with me ley-.- FML, i4s no hope liao la zzzzz. And you know what! End up she remembered the day wrongly, make me travel to Bukit Timah for nothig -.- Like seriously. I dont know wtf is going on man -.- Sua. So tmrw we got band camp, gonna stay in school for one night? Where are we going to sleep at? :x hmmmm..... Hope will have fun for the next two days! :) I love band though it a bit fucked up. Nvm forget it. Gonna sleep soon, im not feeling well yea ): Gtg, buhbyes! :D

Hello November and Goodbye October.

It's 3am plus now and im still awake. Okay, i think i will probably kana kill if someone know i still online at this timing. Im sorry, i cant sleep): Slept at 5.30am and woke up at 11.30am yesterday, zai right!? Hahaha! Went to PP buy my babe senior's birthday present, met Gib at around 3.30. Then we went to popular buy stuff and Fair price 'window shopping', was playing with the raw food and Halloween mask! :D Super retarded and fun lol! So later is our class party, im so looking forward!! Hohoho, hope tmrw won't rain - pray hard - 

Like what Richelle said: "2A4'11 will never be forgoten" <3

Okay, it's 1/11/11 today.. And today probably will be the LAST class outing with 2A4'11 and Miss Koh! Im gonna miss all of them): So yah, life is good! :) And 11/11/11 is super lovable! Why? Because it is the first month of ______ on that day! <3 ^^ kekekekekeke. Anyway, I miss Lydia and Gigi! Lydia went back to Indo but she's coming back yo hehe! Gigi went back to Thailand but probably will only see her when school reopen, hmm hope everything in Thailand now is gonna be fine yea:) After the stupid idiotic August, not much things happen. Streaming result is coming out on 8th Nov, please let me take the subj i want ah!! :D So next year im going to be sec3, time flies really fast! Gosh, next year sure very stress. Hais. Tzewei stop thinking too much and enjoy your holiday!! But wait, how the fuck would i enjoy my holiday? There's plenty of homework waiting for me and BAND, WORK, CAMP!!! Gotta deal with all these 'shits' yea... HOLY SHIT!! D; It's going to be 4am now, i need to wake up at 11.30am later, then go school for band meeting at 1pm o__o After meeting gonna meet Weilin, Jiayi and Gib at 2.30pm and we are going to play pool! Then i will go to ecp at around4 to wait for the bbq food. Gonna be a long long day later. Shall sleep now uh. Pimples popping out due to i sleeping late, grrrrrr................... BYE LA! ;) Nights ^^

Hi October and bye Semptember:)

Hi im back :D hahaha, oh yeah today is 2nd October. Yesterday was a memorable day:) Hmm why memorable? For me to know, for u to never find out:) Hahaha. Anw, i really enjoyed ytd but.. nvm. Forget it. So tmrw is 3rd of October = Exams = Die lor. Its like 1 week before exams I'm so motivated. But one day before exams it doesn't even feel like it's exam the next day. Just by looking notes and books i want to fall asleep alr... Hais. So.... idk what to blog and ya. I go study now, BYE :P

It's okay to be single .

I am happily single. I would not get into a relationship for now as neither do i want to get hurt nor hurt people. I don't know what i want and yea. I realized i am much more happier than last time. It's like, i am much more happier when i am not in a r/s. I swear, i never ever treated love like a game. But, i just don't know how to love. I just can't stand that i'm being controlled and like need to explain or even ' report ' everything to a person. Like, i have no freedom? I know i very selfish. I know he is a good guy. He is a guy deserve to be loved. I know he has put a lot of time and effort on me. But i'm sorry. I don't know why would i get into a r/s with him at first, and ending was not good though. Like everything..... i don't know la. I only know that i am much more happier now and yea. It was enough for me. Every time i get into a r/s, emotions are controlling me and i am so freaking tired of the emotion break downs. Gosh. I understand how he feel. But, I'M SORRY): I'm sorry for hurting you. Sorry for wasting your time. Sorry for making you think that i was worth the while. Sorry for giving everything that you dreamed and taking it back when i fled the scene. Sorry that i needed you. Sorry for making you love me and saying goodbye. Sorry. For all that i have done to you, i wish i could make it right. I'm hoping the ' sorry ' will open your mind. And yea, i hope the time will heal the wounds that i gave u. Don't cry over the past, it's gone.

I thought these are everything i want?

I thought i hate being single? Now i'm attached but i'm not happy. I thought i want to be a player? But why am i feeling guilty? I thought i just want a boyf who cares and loves me? But why am i not happy? I thought i just need a guy who will be there for me whenever i sad or happy, but i'm not happy....I thought these are everything i want but why am i not happy? Why am i crying?!?! Yea right, i am selfish and mean. I ruin my life!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Worthless.

oh gosh, too many things happened in these few months. Really cannot take it -.- Hmm, i know i got abit too sensitive. But i realised i very extra sometimes. Kay, i not in mood also. Thanks Akosua, Gibson, Halim for cheering me up. Idk you guys will read this not. But really thank you. I really appreciate it:) Thank you guys for being there for me whenever i sad or happy. Thanks Akosua for trying to cheer me up though u urself are emoing. I'll be there for u no matter what. I know it's tough to let go, but u can do it right? I know u can :) You need times yea. Let bygones be bygones, what over is over. You have all of us to care for u. If u cant let him go, how are u gonna move on with ur new life. There's a rainbow after rain. Life is up and down and it sucks at times. But u will get what u want v soon. Life is too short and it doesnt rewind, so cherish what u have now:) These are what zp and halim told me. Cheer up^^ I love u!! Gibson uh, my idiot ex LOL :) Thanks for being retarded and funny just to make both of us laugh:) And also sorry for always cold replies and bully u, but u know i love u right? Hais, zebra is gonna whack u>< Just kidding. Aiya thanks for everything la. I know u're going to cry if u read this. So touched right? Hahaha :D And Halim, thanks for always giving me advice that are useful to me. Thanks for not hating me because i always piss u off >< Thanks for everything. U know i know la ^^ I dont type here later u down there act shy again. I really appreciate what u gave to me and i know u will read this cause u stalk me!!!! :) Too bad the cookies sell at the cake shop under my house nvr sell alrd. Treat u KOI next time ok? Love u<3 as a big brother :)
Hi you this idiot who keep giving false hope to me. Who do u think you are? You are just a piece of shit. I cant forget u in one year time, then two years? or three years? or even longer. I dont mind, as long as i can fucking forget u :) I know i cant take one more step towards u, cause all the waiting is regret....... You lost the i loved the most. And look at the pict above, u know what u'd said to me before, i worthless right? dont regret if i do anything stupid, it's all ur fault:) I'm starting my new life, if u all know what i mean heheheheeehe. I so zai omg!! O_O woohoo BYE AND NIGHTS PEEPS :D

The problems are driving me insane!!!

I just feel so alone right now. I just fucking hate everything. I just feel like hurting myself to make my heart feel better. I just want to drink to dull all my pain. I just want to fucking escape. Life isn't that beautiful. Life just sucks.. You all just dont understand how i feel. I'm not spare tyre. I'm not your toy to entertain you. I'm not your slave. Imma being a bitch are just protecting myself from getting hurt. Fuck my life.

You think you are cool? I think you are just being childish bitch.

I pick myself up, pull myself together, fake a smile and act like all's fine.

I deleted the post, lol. I hope i'm not thinking too much. Friends are always better than lovers :):) Hmm, well emo post again? Nobody understands me, not even myself. What do i really want??? I like to think that i'm over him, i like to tell people that i am. Sometimes, i even convince myself i am. The truth is, I DONT KNOW?? I want to fall in love, but why am i missing him? Is it i'm afraid of getting hurt, of lies and afraid i'll end up with only tears in my eyes? I'd like to convince people, convince myself i'm over you. But late in the night. I know i'd think bout you all over. Why am i suffering with all these shits? How can you moved on so easily? Why cant i do it? Why am i jealous? When i see u talking happily with the girl, it cuts me up inside.. Trying to make myself fall for him? Why is it so difficult? What the fuck with ' GO WITH THE FLOW ' huh? I'm a loser............I'm lost, i get insecure... I feel guilty, why am i feeling guilty? Why am i caring? Complicated much. I refuse to believe you didn't love me anymore since we broke up. Remember the tears, the frustration, the accusations, the doubts, the hate. Time to let go. It will be okay, right? Everything gonna be alright. I should wake up right? I should stop stalking u....... I'm gonna smile bacause i deserve to.

Forget the fact that he won’t text or call.
Remember that he’s not coming back, at all.
Forget that he doesn’t care
Remember that it once was there.
Forget all the regrets and mistakes you made.
Remember how nothing gold can stay.
Forget those stupid little fights
Remember all the good nights
Forget those little things you used to do
Remember that you wanted this too.
Forget how he’s out having a good time
Remember that you’re going to be fine.
Forget his eyes, his arms, his smile
Remember you’ll be okay, in a little while.
Forget the fact that you’re feeling lonely
Remember that you’re not the only.
Forget the bad and remember what’s not
Remember that one life is all you got.
Forget to dwell
Remember to live as well.

"A heart that is unwilling to change may soon be a heart unable to change"

Finally :D

Wooohoo! Finally have a happy post, hmmm? :)
Friday was e-learning day, webcammed with Lydia, Richelle, Cheryl, Anna and Weilin! Quite fun uh :P Then went to Bugis after e-learning! Wanted to watch movie but did not. Then wanted to play arcade but cannot -.- then went to take neo print LOLOL :) quite no mood that day cause v sleepy, then like very pissed, urghhhh. After that went to J.CO, i slept there, hahaha! Around 6pm, went to shaw tower wait for my uncle. Then went to vivo for dinner:)

Aha! Saturday we headed to Batam :D:D I just came back from there! :) Nothing much, keep eating and eating and eating. So fat now :/ Quite boring cause didnt get to play flying fox! ): Bought a Burberry shirt! Woohooo :D:D anw, gonna see my babes tmrw ^^ And realized i so ugly in pict now, and ' not natural ' O_O!! So yea, nothing much. Nights! :)

情节有多坏, 都不肯醒来.....

Why?! Why!? Why!? I sucks yea? FUCK YOU TZEWEI CHAN. why cant u just accept the fact?! Why cant u just move on!? Why must u stay in the past?! It's over!! Everything is over. Why must u cry. He's not worth it. Halim's right. As what he said " there's a reason why they say memories. can nvr be deleted. its always there, and will be recalled when you see him. but its your choice to not think and just move on ” And u do not love him anymore!!! Control what u think can!? You bitch!! Move on man! How about zp!? You know u're gonna hurt him if u still like jr!? fuck u! You bitch, giving people false hope u think very fun is it!? fuck la FUCK YOU CHAN TZE WEI!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I HATE U!!!!!